What this is
Most of what’s online about obsession, anxiety, and bad relationship cycles is either “here’s the clinical label” or “here’s how to feel better about yourself.” This is neither.
It starts from one idea: you don’t see your life directly — you see it through things you learned a long time ago to get through something hard, and you mistake those things for plain reality. Limerence, the cycles you repeat, the person you can’t stop thinking about — they’re not the problem to be fixed. They’re the place you can finally see the thing that’s been running underneath all of it.
My Story
I didn’t grow up around chaos. I grew up inside it.
I know what it feels like to grow up somewhere emotionally unsafe — unhinged is the better word, if I had to choose. My home ran on a perpetual cycle of angry outbursts, painful silences, and emotional abuse. Nothing ever felt safe, even though it looked ‘fine’ from the outside.
I moved out at 19 and thought I’d left it behind. What actually happened is that I spent the next decade steeped in it — anxious, angry, disconnected, and sure for a long time that the problem was just me.
What changed wasn’t fixing myself. It was seeing how the whole thing worked — that the ways I’d learned to survive that house had followed me out and never switched off.
What makes it different
I’m not going to tell you you’re broken, because you’re not, and I’m not going to promise the hard days stop, because they don’t.
What changes is that you start to catch the thing while it’s happening instead of weeks later — and caught in the act, it stops getting to decide for you. That’s the whole of it. Not a cure. A way of seeing.
The longer version of how I got here — the full story — lives on my own site.